The American Terrier
The American Terrier
(or American genius triumphs once again)
December 2008
America has embraced the European fondness for the canine culture. We used to marvel at the French tolerance for dog poo on the premier shopping street in the world, the Champs Elysees. We would be amazed to see a buffoon of a dog sitting at the next table in an elegant restaurant or our hostess’s cat drinking out of the creamer on her elegantly set table. America has evolved. The dog or cat is now a virtual child. Pets now outnumber people in the United States. (http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/03/10/modern.pets/index.html) “In 2006 American's spent $39 billion dollars on food for their pets in the United States. That number is expected to grow as we move into the New Year. For more information head to http://innova-dog-food.com.” Source: http://wiki.answers.com. That’s substantially more than is spent on aid to the 788,000,000 people of Sub-Saharan Africa. People versus pets; what does Christianity have to say to its followers?
The English were the masters of breeding the exotic canine. The uglier the dog is the more desirable. The more useless the feature is the more expensive the dog. But Americans are pragmatist; our genius is in the practical. Hence a new breed is introduced to the world: The American Terrier.
Through the very clever manipulation of genes we have been able to speed up the establishment of a very superior breed, the epitome of doghood, the culmination of canine craving, the heart’s desire of doggyness.
The American Terrier is small enough to fit easily in your purse or your pocket. It is about the size of a rat. You can keep your cherished cur with you constantly. You need not deprive yourself ever of the warm squirminess and dedicated devotion of pooch passion.
The American Terrier requires far less upkeep than the old obsolete models. Food is only a fraction of what was once required. An old wash cloth makes a fine dog blanket. A dog house is superfluous but if desired a shoe box is ideal. With careful selection of food a poo bag is no longer needed. One can easily kick the little pellets onto the grass or dirt and they will be lost. However it is not advisable to feed your dog bird seed even if it is a common practice. These dogs eat so little that one can afford the best reduced output food available.
The constant squeaking of these high tension dogs is far less objectionable than the continuous yapping of their pint sized predecessors. Pocket or purse muffling is adequate in all but the most solemn circumstances. The American Terrier is as near the perfect dog that anyone could desire. Their only deficiency is that they provide minimal warmth when cuddled in bed and add little to the US Strategic Protean Reserve.
The rest of the world has its terriers; Toy Terrier, Bull Terrier, Scottish Terrier, Tibetan Terrier, Black Russian Terrier, Irish Terrier, Border Terrier, Rat Terrier, ….. Now you can have the Zeus of the dog world, The American Terrier.
(or American genius triumphs once again)
December 2008
America has embraced the European fondness for the canine culture. We used to marvel at the French tolerance for dog poo on the premier shopping street in the world, the Champs Elysees. We would be amazed to see a buffoon of a dog sitting at the next table in an elegant restaurant or our hostess’s cat drinking out of the creamer on her elegantly set table. America has evolved. The dog or cat is now a virtual child. Pets now outnumber people in the United States. (http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/03/10/modern.pets/index.html) “In 2006 American's spent $39 billion dollars on food for their pets in the United States. That number is expected to grow as we move into the New Year. For more information head to http://innova-dog-food.com.” Source: http://wiki.answers.com. That’s substantially more than is spent on aid to the 788,000,000 people of Sub-Saharan Africa. People versus pets; what does Christianity have to say to its followers?
The English were the masters of breeding the exotic canine. The uglier the dog is the more desirable. The more useless the feature is the more expensive the dog. But Americans are pragmatist; our genius is in the practical. Hence a new breed is introduced to the world: The American Terrier.
Through the very clever manipulation of genes we have been able to speed up the establishment of a very superior breed, the epitome of doghood, the culmination of canine craving, the heart’s desire of doggyness.
The American Terrier is small enough to fit easily in your purse or your pocket. It is about the size of a rat. You can keep your cherished cur with you constantly. You need not deprive yourself ever of the warm squirminess and dedicated devotion of pooch passion.
The American Terrier requires far less upkeep than the old obsolete models. Food is only a fraction of what was once required. An old wash cloth makes a fine dog blanket. A dog house is superfluous but if desired a shoe box is ideal. With careful selection of food a poo bag is no longer needed. One can easily kick the little pellets onto the grass or dirt and they will be lost. However it is not advisable to feed your dog bird seed even if it is a common practice. These dogs eat so little that one can afford the best reduced output food available.
The constant squeaking of these high tension dogs is far less objectionable than the continuous yapping of their pint sized predecessors. Pocket or purse muffling is adequate in all but the most solemn circumstances. The American Terrier is as near the perfect dog that anyone could desire. Their only deficiency is that they provide minimal warmth when cuddled in bed and add little to the US Strategic Protean Reserve.
The rest of the world has its terriers; Toy Terrier, Bull Terrier, Scottish Terrier, Tibetan Terrier, Black Russian Terrier, Irish Terrier, Border Terrier, Rat Terrier, ….. Now you can have the Zeus of the dog world, The American Terrier.
Labels: The American Terrier
posted by Louis Brossard at 6:28 AM
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